WEF Chair Klaus Schwab Replaced by Shadowy New Figure "Doctor Ominous"
He claimed to be "totally benevolent" in his induction speech, with "no interest in a dystopian prison planet."
DAVOS, SWITZERLAND — In a turn of events that surprised absolutely no one who’s been watching the World Economic Forum with mild horror and a skeptical eye, long-standing WEF Chairman Klaus Schwab has been replaced by a new figure shrouded in mystery, chrome, and a concerning amount of totalitarian flair: Doctor Ominous.
Emerging from a fog machine-laden elevator at the Davos Grand Summit and flanked by AI-powered robot falcons, Doctor Ominous introduced himself to the world in a voice best described as "a cross between Darth Vader and Megatron."
“SHEEPLE OF EARTH—I AM DOCTOR OMINOUS, YOUR BENEVOLENT SHEPHERD INTO A BRIGHTER, MORE EFFICIENT, AND ABSOLUTELY MANDATORY FUTURE,” he intoned, his red eyes pulsing hypnotically.
Clad in sleek black armor of an unknown alloy, the new WEF overlord wasted no time unveiling his grand plan:
"My predecessor had a Great Reset. I offer you… the Greater Reset, with ten times the Orwellian measures and dystopian potential," he said as the crowd politely applauded and a World Bank official moaned orgasmically.
Among the policies Doctor Ominous unveiled during his induction ceremony:
The Compulsory Digital Mind-Bracelet™: A forehead-implanted data device “to improve empathy and reduce hate,” which also happens to track your location, conversations, and the frequency of eye-rolls directed at global institutions.
Mandatory Sleep Schedule: All citizens will be required to sleep at “globally synchronized bedtime hours,” as determined by an AI modeled on Greta Thunberg interviews and Melinda Gates' dream journal.
Universal Basic Obedience (UBO): Instead of cash, citizens will receive monthly obedience scores, which can be exchanged for carbon-neutral soy units or one hug from an emotion-simulating android.
The Freedom Vault™: All personal liberties will be stored securely in a virtual, digital vault, "until humanity is mature enough to handle them responsibly"—projected for release in the year 3089.
Born out of the failed Meta Metaverse Server Room C, Doctor Ominous was once a humble IT technician named Gregory. After a tragic incident involving spilled kombucha, faulty VR goggles, and an experimental neuro-link, Gregory's consciousness merged with a Zuckerbergian chat bot and an Amazon warehouse robot named “Z3N.”
Reborn as Doctor Ominous, he quickly climbed the ranks of suspiciously influential groups, including The Council on Foreign Relations, The Bilderberg Group, and Technocrat Swifties Over 50, a secret society that discusses social engineering to a Taylor Swift soundtrack.
The mainstream press has fallen shamelessly head-over-heels for Doctor Ominous, with headlines like:
“Ominous But Lovable: What the Steel-Faced Dictator Taught Us About Democracy” — The New York Times
“The Glow in His Eyes is From His Passion for the Planet” — NPR
“Sure, He Sounds Like a Marvel Villain, But He Trusts the Science” — The Guardian
CNN even ran a 12-part documentary titled “From Coder to Compassion: The Rise of Dr. O.”, in which Anderson Cooper tries to hug the new chairman and is shocked by a wave of electromagnetic frequency.
Vice’s fashion column declared him “The Haute Enforcer”, praising his carbon-neutral cape made from recycled vaccine passports and Google Glass.
Unsurprisingly, Doctor Ominous has gained traction in the U.S., Canada, and parts of Europe, with pundits lauding his work on climate change, virology, and LGBTQ+ issues. MSNBC ran a children’s special titled “Ominous Teaches Pronouns.” Several EU leaders called him “a much-needed unifier of mankind,” while quietly surrendering control of their military defense grids to his SmartPeace™ app.
All jokes aside, the continued uncritical worship of globalist institutions like the WEF, WHO, and their unelected digital overlords should give every reasonable, free-thinking person cause for concern. They might wear suits, smile for the press, and claim to be “serving humanity,” but behind every bold new initiative is a Terms of Service you didn’t read.
As for Doctor Ominous? He concluded his speech with one final, comforting thought:
“DO NOT BE AFRAID. EVERYTHING YOU THINK, FEEL, AND DO WILL BE OPTIMIZED FOR THE GREATER GOD, ER… GOOD.”
He then flew away in a hover-pyramid with no visible or audible signs of propulsion.
Coming up next on CNN: “10 Ways Dr. O. is Just Like Your Dad (If Your Dad Was a Cyborg Wizard Who Outlawed Backyard BBQs).”
What are your thoughts on Klaus Schwab, the WEF, and his replacement? Let us know in the comments below!
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Flashback:
Klaus Schwab's "Cooking with Crickets" Video Stirs Backlash
Klaus Schwab, the enigmatic founder of the World Economic Forum, recently decided to take his culinary skills to the internet. Known for his global influence and knack for totalitarianism, Schwab sur…
who appoints these creeps? Klaus is lucky he wasn’t “disappeared.”
I tell you what if I woke up and saw the replacements face I would literally scream. Looks like he has two different colored eyes.