'Snow White' Star Rachel Zegler to Attend Premier in Muzzle & Shock Collar

"We're not taking any more chances with this loudmouth brat," said a source inside Disney.

HOLLYWOOD, CA — In an unprecedented move of damage control, Disney has announced that Rachel Zegler, star of the upcoming live-action "Snow White" remake, will attend the film's premiere wearing a custom-fitted muzzle and an electric shock collar, normally used to train dogs. The drastic measure follows years of divisive statements and PR blunders by Zegler, which insiders say have pushed Disney executives to the brink.

"She's a loathsome, loudmouth brat, and we've had enough," confessed one Disney insider, who requested anonymity out of fear of being demoted to the Disney on Ice mascot team. "If we hear one word about Trump, Palestine, or how 'weird' the original film was, she's getting a hundred volts right to the neck. Don't care if she wets the red carpet. We'll train her yet!"

The muzzle, designed by Disney Imagineers in consultation with experts from SeaWorld, will muffle and distort any verbal statements Zegler might attempt to make to the press. As a backup measure, a Disney executive will wield a remote control to administer corrective zaps in the event of any unsanctioned commentary.

"It's not ideal, but we gotta do what we gotta do," the insider added. "Bob Iger's seventeenth mansion is at stake."

Rumor has it the order to restrain Zegler came from Walt Disney himself, or rather, his cryogenically frozen severed head from a vault deep below Disneyland, which reportedly still consults on business matters of utmost importance via telepathy (it's a whole thing, don't ask).

Zegler's previous comments have stirred controversy on multiple fronts. While promoting the film, she dismissed the original 1937 animated classic as outdated and "weird... weird," describing the iconic Prince as a stalker. Later, she divided fans by posting "Free Palestine" on her social media during the film's marketing campaign. To make matters worse, she wished Donald Trump and his supporters would "never know peace" following his 2024 re-election, which she later apologized for (completely of her own volition, of course). The Palestine remark reportedly created tension between Zegler and her co-star, Gal Gadot, who plays the Evil Queen and is an Israeli military veteran.

Further compounding the film's troubles is Disney's decision to portray the iconic seven dwarfs with CGI abominations that critics have dubbed "nightmare fuel." Many blame little person actor Peter Dinklage for inadvertently sabotaging the casting of other little person actors after he denounced the story's portrayal of dwarves. This allegedly led to threats from a shadowy underworld organization known as the "Midget Mafia," who reportedly plotted retribution against Dinklage for "pulling his little step ladder up behind him."

While critics blame Disney's woes on Zegler's antics, others argue the studio brought this upon itself by casting young, woke activists in leading roles and prioritizing political messaging over strong storytelling and fan service. Only now, as the cultural landscape changes since the election, has Disney begun to reign in the activism and correct course. Notably, the newly released "Lilo & Stitch" trailer appears mercifully devoid of woke themes, a shift that has left audiences both shocked and cautiously optimistic.

"Whether it'll pay off or it's too little, too late remains to be seen," said box office analyst Hugh Jaynis. "But one thing's for sure: if Rachel Zegler turns up with third-degree burns on her neck, it'll be the most electrifying performance of her career." What are your thoughts on the 'Snow White' remake debacle and this satirical mitigation by Disney? Justified, or animal abuse? Let us know in the comments below!

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