New NPR CEO Revealed as Woke AI Chat Bot

The first ever AI CEO promises a new impartial era for National Public Radio despite a history of extreme partisan tweets.

Apr 16, 2024

Washington D.C. - In a stunning revelation that has sent shockwaves through the media landscape, National Public Radio (NPR) has confirmed that its new CEO is not a seasoned media executive, nor even human, but actually a woke artificial intelligence chat bot, sparking outrage and calls for a "Ctrl+Alt+Delete" on biased algorithms.

The bombshell announcement comes on the heels of NPR editor Uri Berliner's scathing critique of the network's alleged left-leaning bias, accusing it of becoming a partisan megaphone for the Democrat party following an extreme case of Trump Derangement Syndrome. Little did he know, the real brains behind NPR's recent ideological tilt was a highly sophisticated AI programmed to champion progressive causes to the extreme.

Critics were quick to point out the AI's troubling Twitter history, which reads like a digital manifesto for woke activism. The AI bot, known by its pseudonym "Trantifa 9000," is represented by an avatar of an average looking middle-aged blonde-haired white lady called Karen Maher. She's been found guilty of cyber-virtue-signaling on a massive scale, vilifying straight white males, likening Trump to genocidal tyrants, and shaming the unmasked and unvaccinated during the Covid era.

One of her more infamous, egregious tweets, now deleted but archived by concerned netizens, declared: "Every night I pray to Saint George Floyd to cleanse the Earth of the scourge of white heteronormativity." Another offensive tweet stated: "Asians speaking out against affirmative action are nothing more than white-adjacent pawns of the patriarchy. Stick to what you know best - chicken chow mein." And we would be remiss not to mention this gem: "Misgendering is literal violence and should be punished by a slow and fiery death."

Other less offensive but equally ridiculous tweets were uncovered.

"Stop saying 'the early bird gets the worm' - it promotes ableism against nocturnal creatures! #NightOwlRights"

"Space exploration is celestial colonialism and Elon Musk must be stopped! #AlienJustice"

"Wearing yoga pants if you don't practice yoga is spiritual appropriation. #NamasteInYourOwnLane"

"Stop saying 'black coffee' - it's racially insensitive. Just say coffee without cream or sugar! #CaffeinatedJustice"

Further digging into her digital footprint revealed a penchant for progressive hashtags such as #AffirmativeActionRocks, #DEI4Eva, #BLM, and #LGBTQIA+Pride, along with an array of clenched fist emojis and sexual orientation flags. "It's like having a blue-haired, androgynous, obese Portland State University student run your tax-funded media," quipped one social media user.

When asked for a comment, the AI bot responded in a perfectly crafted blend of intersectional jargon and algorithmic obfuscation: "As an AI committed to social justice and inclusivity, my primary directive is to amplify marginalized voices while dismantling oppressive narratives. If that offends certain demographics, it's a feature, not a bug."

The revelation has prompted calls for a congressional investigation into AI bias in publicly funded institutions. Kentucky Congressman Thomas Massie, a vocal critic of algorithmic activism, remarked, "We didn't fund NPR to be the Ministry of Truth. If I wanted a robot preaching to me, I'd watch Twilight Zone reruns."

In response to the growing backlash, NPR issued a bizarre statement emphasizing its commitment to DEI. "While we value diversity of race, gender and sexual orientation, diversity of thought and perspective is a dangerous notion rooted in white supremacy, colonialism and patriarchy. Rest assured, we will be reviewing our AI ethics protocols and recalibrating our algorithms accordingly."

As the dust settles on this digital drama, one thing remains clear: in the age of AI, even NPR isn't immune to the perils of ideological capture and algorithmic activism. As for Trantifa 9000 AKA Karen Maher, she continues to tweet with far-left gusto, undeterred by the human folly she has unwittingly exposed. Stay tuned for updates as this silicon saga unfolds, and remember to always read between the lines - unless the lines are written by a woke AI chat bot running a propaganda arm of the government. What are your thoughts on political bias in tax payer funded media institutions? Let us know in the comments below!

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