Leftist Blocks All of Twitter/X

In an attempt to create the ultimate safe space, Derek Smith inadvertently blocked every single user, leaving no one left to interact with.

In an unprecedented move that left social media users bewildered and Guinness World Records scrambling for a new category, leftist Derek Smith (he/him), a 23 year old student at the University of San Francisco, has achieved the unimaginable feat of blocking every single Twitter/X user, effectively creating the ultimate safe space within the Twitterverse.

Smith, a staunch advocate for progressive values, whose Twitter/X bio is adorned with LGBT and Ukraine flags, BLM fists and little syringes, embarked on his blocking spree shortly after Elon Musk's controversial takeover in October 2022. Concerned about the potential proliferation of hate speech, homophobia, transphobia, conspiracy theories and what he deemed as problematic conservative and centrist views, Smith took it upon himself to cleanse his timeline of any dissenting voices.

What started as a misguided endeavor soon spiraled into an all-consuming mission, as Smith found himself clicking the block button with increasing fervor to the point of severe carpal tunnel syndrome. "I couldn't just stand by and let my precious Twitter feed be polluted by harmful ideologies," Smith remarked in a statement. "It was my duty to create a safe space free of hate and bigotry."

Months turned into a year, and before he knew it, Smith got carried away and inadvertently blocked all 335.7 million Twitter/X users, even all the spambot cam girls, effectively rendering his timeline a barren wasteland of silence, with only a few ads for razor blades and organic soap on display. Yes, even other leftists were blocked as he obsessively combed through their entire history searching for any minor point of contention, be it anime related or simply a preference for coffee over tea.

News of his monumental achievement spread like wildfire. Guinness World Records wasted no time in recognizing Smith's remarkable feat, awarding him the coveted title of "Softest Snowflake" and immortalizing his accomplishment in the annals of history. "This is a momentous occasion," declared a spokesperson for Guinness. "Never before has an individual demonstrated such aversion to free speech and opposing ideas. The previous record holder was Harvard Law School instructor and trans rights activist Alejandra Caraballo, who used an app to block hundreds of people at a time, but Derick has her beat by a country mile! Derek Smith's commitment to fragility deserves recognition on a global scale."

Meanwhile, reactions from the Twitter/X community ranged from amusement to disbelief. "I didn't even know it was possible to block that many people," tweeted Elon Musk. "Talk about commitment to the cause!"

As for Smith himself, he remains steadfast in his conviction, viewing his achievement as a triumph for progressive values and a resounding victory against the forces of intolerance. "I may have blocked the entire Twitter population, but I've also blocked out hate," he declared triumphantly.

While some may see Smith's actions as extreme, one thing is certain: in a world where echo chambers abound, he has carved out his own slice of digital utopia, free from the tumultuous winds of diverse thought, one block at a time. What are your thoughts on the act of blocking others on social media? Weak and lame? A last resort reserved for only the most obnoxious trolls? Let us know in the comments below!

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