Fauci to Star in Prison Docuseries "Lockdown"

The series reboot promises to be a riveting account of Fauci's inception as the most high-profile inmate in history.

Jun 04, 2024

In a twist of fate that would make even the most hardened skeptic chuckle, Dr. Anthony Fauci, the once-revered face of the U.S. pandemic response, has been found guilty of crimes against humanity and sentenced to life in a maximum-security prison, San Quentin State Penitentiary. After the Select Subcommittee on Coronavirus Preparedness found him guilty of hiding evidence pertaining to controversial "gain of function" NIH programs—speculated by some to have actually caused the pandemic—Fauci decided to turn lemons into lemonade. His new role? Starring in the highly anticipated reboot of the classic prison docuseries "Lockdown," in a twist of linguistic irony and poetic justice.

Producers of "Lockdown" are thrilled about the reboot's potential. The original 2006 series was a smash hit for the National Geographic Channel, known for it's riveting depiction of the drama and despair of prison life. The new season promises a unique blend of education and entertainment as Fauci attempts to educate inmates on the nuances of virus transmission and immunity, but things don't go quite as planned.

Fauci's assimilation into the harsh prison environment has been nothing short of fascinating. The disgraced scientist, known for his calm and smug demeanor during White House briefings, now faces a different kind of audience: a rowdy group of inmates, many of whom are none too pleased with his handling of the pandemic and the fallout of his policies.

Navigating the complex social hierarchy of prison life is no easy feat, even for someone of Fauci's purported intellect. Upon arrival, he quickly learned the importance of aligning with a gang for protection. Unfortunately for Fauci, he soon found out he was persona non grata among the entire prison population including the guards and warden, much less the Aryan Brotherhood. "Trying to convince them to wash their hands regularly didn't go over well," Fauci admitted in a candid interview, bloodied and bruised.

As Dr. Fauci navigates the treacherous waters of prison life, he has become a lightning rod for the anger and frustration of many inmates. Word has spread like wildfire that Fauci's risky "gain of function" research may have been the catalyst for the pandemic, and his role in advocating for policies like lockdowns, masking, and vaccine mandates has only fanned the flames of resentment.

One inmate, in particular, has made it his mission to make Fauci's life a living hell. Known as "Viper," this inmate harbors a deep-seated grudge. Viper's father suffered a severe adverse reaction to the Pfizer vaccine, resulting in a heart attack that left him debilitated.

"My old man was strong as an ox," Viper growled during a rare interview. "Until he got that damn shot. Now he's a shadow of his former self, and it's all because of that chomo Fauci. Not to mention, my sister died of alcohol poisoning playing a drinking game during Fauci's congressional testimony, having to take a shot every time he said 'I don't recall.' That little weasel's gotta pay."

Viper's vendetta has manifested in various forms of harassment and intimidation. Fauci now faces constant threats, both veiled and overt, as he moves about the prison. His cell has been ransacked multiple times, with personal items destroyed or stolen. "It's like living under a microscope," Fauci confessed. "I can't go for a walk outside when I want. I have to wear this stupid orange jumpsuit at all times. They micromanage our lives. It's total and complete tyranny, I tell ya! And no, I don't see any irony in this at all."

In a bid to calm the situation, Fauci attempted to reach out to Viper, hoping to explain the complexities of vaccine science and the statistical rarity of severe adverse reactions. However, his efforts were met with derision and scorn.

"Save your bullshit," Viper spat. "You ruined lives with your lies and deception. You censored and vilified credible scientists and stifled debate. You're just a corrupt stooge of the establishment who sold out the health of the American public and the world, for your own greedy, fucked up purposes. May you burn in hell." The episode then fades to black with a message stating that television standards regarding violent, graphic content would preclude them from airing the shocking footage concluding that particular exchange.

As the "Lockdown" cameras capture these intense moments, viewers get a raw and unfiltered look at the real-world consequences of public health decisions and the deeply personal ways they impact lives.

Fauci's expertise in smuggling drugs has come in handy at San Quentin Penitentiary. Known for peddling all kinds of harmful crap that causes horrible reactions and addiction, he now applies his meticulous skills to smuggling contraband into prison. No, not crack, heroin or crystal meth, Fauci's contraband of choice includes vaccines and illicit pharmaceuticals.

"He managed to sneak in vials of mRNA vaccines in his rectum," said an anonymous inmate. "We told him, that's right where it belongs cuz no one wants that shit."

In a stark departure from his days at the NIH, Fauci has become the personal property of "El Diablo," a large, ripped, intimidating inmate who runs the prison yard with an iron fist. Diablo, known for his violent tendencies and Satanic tattoos, knew right away Tony would make an excellent “prison bitch.” Fauci now spends his days holding Diablo's pants pocket as a sign of subservience and donating his commissary obediently. "It's not ideal," Fauci said, "but it keeps me safe. He once saved me from my former nemesis, Viper, in the yard. Plus, Diablo's interested in learning about virology. We have stimulating conversations about viral replication between, well... other activities," he said with an anguished face while rubbing his back side.

Episode three of “Lockdown” caught a tense interaction between Fauci and El Diablo. "I know on the outside you was 'The Science'," said Diablo, getting right in his face. "But in here, we call you 'Compliance' because you comply with my orders and do what you're told, esé. And the one word you’ll never know is 'defiance.'"

Adjusting to the notoriously unappetizing prison food has been another hurdle for Dr. Fauci. Gone are the days of enjoying thousand dollar gourmet meals at the finest restaurants; his new reality includes a monotonous menu of mystery meat, overcooked vegetables, and stale bread. "It's insane what the FDA allows these days,” he said after chipping his tooth on a piece of spaghetti.

Worse still, Fauci has become a frequent target for lunchtime robberies. His notoriety as a high-profile inmate has made him a prime candidate for bullying and theft, with other inmates routinely relieving him of his lunch tray. In one particularly humiliating incident, Fauci found himself on the wrong end of a food heist orchestrated by a gang of inmates led by "Slim Jim," a notorious thief known for his nimble fingers and penchant for pilfering desserts.

"It was taco day," Fauci recalled, shaking his head. "I barely had a chance to sit down before Slim Jim and his crew descended on me like a pack of wolves. They took everything, even the Jell-O," he said, wiping away tears.

In a surprising and desperate bid to escape the relentless torment in the men's prison, Dr. Fauci announced that he now identifies as transgender and requested a transfer to a women's facility. The announcement was met with skepticism and snickers from the inmates, but the prison administration, adhering to policy and protocol, approved the transfer. Fauci hoped that the change would bring some relief from the daily threats and harassment he faced.

Unfortunately for him, Fauci's transition did not go as smoothly as he had hoped. With his hastily applied makeup and ill-fitting dress, he made an awkward and unconvincing woman. The female inmates were quick to pounce on his vulnerabilities, seeing through his ploy and treating him with a mix of derision and hostility. "You think you can just waltz in here and escape your past? Not a chance, mass murderer," one inmate sneered as she flicked Fauci's poorly styled wig. "Yo, I had menstrual irregularities for months after Moderna, and now you gonna pay."

The abuse in the women's prison proved to be even more brutal than what Fauci had experienced with Viper or El Diablo. The female inmates and other transgenders, perhaps feeling insulted by his apparent ploy to evade justice, subjected him to even harsher treatment. Fauci found himself ostracized and bullied relentlessly. "You can't run from your mistakes," growled Roberta, a gang banger doing time for double homicide, as she shoved him in the cafeteria line causing his tray to spill all over him, er, her.

Fauci's hope for a reprieve quickly turned into a new nightmare. The mental and physical abuse took a severe toll, leaving him more isolated and vulnerable than ever. The "Lockdown" cameras captured these harrowing moments, providing a stark and sobering look at the extreme lengths to which Fauci had gone to escape one form of hell, only to find himself trapped in another. The reboot of the prison reality series became an unexpected commentary on desperation, identity, and the brutal realities of prison life, far surpassing the reception and success of the original series.

"We're really breaking new ground here," said the show's executive producer, Jack Mayhoffer. "Fauci's a natural on camera, and his interactions with the inmates are pure gold. Who knew watching Fauci receive the retribution he rightfully deserves could be so riveting?"

Despite the challenges, Fauci remains optimistic. "I've always believed in making the best out of a bad situation. If I can help educate even one inmate on the importance of vaccinations and public health, it will all be worth it."

As the new season of "Lockdown" airs, viewers will undoubtedly be glued to their screens, watching Dr. Anthony Fauci, a once beloved public health figure, now confined to a prison cell in a different kind of lockdown. As the drama unfolds, audiences will be captivated by Fauci's struggle to maintain his integrity and safety amid a backdrop of hostility and retribution, making for one of the most compelling series in not only prison documentaries, but all of television history. What was your favorite moment from the show? And who should be his next cellmate? Let us know in the comments below!