Transgender Teacher Fights ICE Agents with Sex Toy

Second grade teacher Mx. Beth Miller attacked the agents during a public school raid with a vibrator curiously stashed in his desk drawer.

Milwaukee, WI—In what can only be described as a scene straight out of a fever dream—or perhaps an avant-garde indie film—Mx. Beth Miller, a transgender second-grade teacher at the Radical Roots Learning Center in Milwaukee, became an unlikely internet sensation this week after an ICE raid at the school escalated into chaos.

The raid, which targeted six-year-old Juan Gonzalez, the son of an undocumented migrant recently arrested for shoplifting, was part of the Trump administration’s new mass deportation initiative. The operation seeks to deport undocumented migrants who have committed crimes first and foremost, no matter how minor, as a warning to others. But it’s safe to say ICE agents got a bit more than they bargained for when they burst into Mx. Miller’s classroom mid-lesson.

The 38-year-old, 6’2”, 210 lb. educator, who was in the middle of a spirited lecture on queer theory, white supremacy, and the intersection of colonialism and Paw Patrol, did not hesitate to spring into action. Grabbing an object he later described as a "personal massager" that he strangely had stashed in his desk drawer, Miller launched into a furious tirade, hurling colorful insults and the decidedly unconventional weapon at the agents.

Eyewitnesses report Miller screaming, "You won’t take him, you fascist bastards!" before clocking one agent squarely between the eyes with the vibrator, which was reportedly set to the "turbo pulse" setting. The impact left the agent concussed, his dignity bruised, and his faith in humanity dangling by a thread.

The situation quickly devolved as Miller continued his assault, swinging the device with an expertise that defied explanation, as the students cried and fled in horror. A second ICE agent sustained bite marks during the melee, later diagnosed with a mild case of rabies. How Miller transmitted rabies remains a medical mystery—and fodder for future conspiracy theories. Perhaps worst of all, a third agent, officer Chad Johnson, suffered severe rectal injury after Miller bent him over a nearby desk and "let her rip," shouting “Squeal little piggy!” in a fit of rage.

It reportedly took three taser shots, a baton strike to the pecker, and the combined strength of five ICE agents to finally subdue the powerhouse teacher, who fought back valiantly while shouting, "You can’t deport love!" and "Not today, Satan!"

The incident has ignited a firestorm of national debate. Critics of ICE's tactics argue that raiding an elementary school is a gross overreach, while others have raised questions about Mx. Miller’s qualifications as a teacher—and his decision to store a vibrator in his desk drawer next to the finger paints.

Border Czar Tom Homan defended the raid in an interview on FOX News, calling Miller “a gender-confused radical hopped up on hormones and delusion.” He vowed that ICE would not be deterred by what he called “the woke mob armed with battery-powered adult toys.”

Meanwhile, in a twist no one saw coming, members of the infamous Venezuelan gang Tren de Aragua took to social media to praise Mx. Miller for his “legendary” efforts. In a video posted to TikTok, masked gang bangers could be seen holding up makeshift signs reading “¡Mx. Miller es una dura!” (Mx. Miller is a badass!). “If this teacher can take on ICE with a sex toy, imagine what he could do with a machete!” one member quipped, adding, “We’re considering naming him an honorary member. Miller, hit us up if you need backup—or more batteries! No homo.” The post has since gone viral, with commenters dubbing Miller “La Reina del Vibrador” (The Queen of the Vibrator).

Despite the uproar, the Trump administration has doubled down on its hardline immigration policies, insisting that the deportation of undocumented migrants who commit crimes—no matter how young or adorable their children—remains essential for the safety and prosperity of the nation. "We have to draw a line somewhere," Homan stated. "And if that line happens to be challenged by a man in a dress with a questionable Amazon purchase history, so be it."

As for Mx. Miller, he is currently out on bail, awaiting trial on charges of assault and battery on a federal agent. In a brief statement outside the courthouse, Miller declared, “This isn’t over. Love wins. And by the way, it takes AA batteries—not C, as falsely reported by CNN.”

While the nation remains divided over immigration, one thing is clear: ICE agents will think twice next time before underestimating the power of a well-charged sex toy in the hands of a gender nonconforming educator. What are your thoughts on Trump's mass deportation policy, the tactics of ICE, and this satirical scuffle? Let us know in the comments below!

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Transgender teacher threatens to harm ICE agents if they come to his school—Libs of TikTok on X