Third Party Candidate "Sued Into Oblivion," Scientists Claim

The conclusion was reached after he vanished into thin air during trial.

Aug 26, 2024

Washington D.C. — In what can only be described as the most baffling and bizarre event in the history of American politics, third-party presidential candidate Marcus Libertad, known for his unwavering commitment to truth, liberty, and peace, has literally vanished into thin air during a trial. Libertad, who was running on a platform of integrity and wisdom, was in court facing his 10,000th lawsuit from the political establishment aimed at keeping him off the ballots at all costs, when he simply ceased to exist, leaving only a faint smell of justice and a bewildered courtroom behind.

According to top scientists, the sheer number of lawsuits against Libertad somehow caused an unprecedented rift in the fabric of space and time, causing the brave and stoic candidate to dematerialize. Dr. Constantine Sherman, a leading physicist at the Institute of Unbelievable Events, explained, “The universe just couldn’t handle this level of corruption. Eventually, something’s gotta give, and in this case, it was the quantum matrix of consciousness itself. We believe he was actually and literally sued into oblivion.”

The incident occurred during a particularly heated cross-examination by prosecutor Sue DeMall (D), who claimed Libertad was too tall to run for president. “I was just asking him how he planned to fit in the Oval Office or Air Force One when suddenly, poof! He was gone!” said DeMall, visibly shaken and clutching her 300-page indictment. “I’ve never seen anything like it. One minute he was passionately articulating his case, the next he was just... gone.”

Conspiracy theories are already swirling around the bizarre event. While some suggest that Libertad’s disappearance was truly supernatural and a result of his incorruptible nature, too pure for this earthly realm, others believe it was orchestrated by the deep state to silence a formidable opponent. “This is exactly what they want you to think,” said Libertad supporter and amateur ufologist, Fred Biggins. “First they sued him to death, then they poofed him out of existence. It's a new tactic, you gotta give it to them.”

Supporters of Libertad, known as "Libertines," have taken to social media, demanding answers and calling for an independent investigation. Many have vowed to continue his fight for truth, liberty, and peace, even if it means potentially risking their own physical existence in the courtroom.

The bizarre event has sparked a series of extraordinary consequences. Here are some of the most notable:

-Lawsuit Limbo: Lawyers across the country are now caught in a legal conundrum. Can you continue to sue someone who no longer exists? Courts are packed with judges scratching their heads and lawyers billing by the hour to figure it out.

-New Reality Show: Inspired by the incident, a new legal reality TV show titled "Sued Into Oblivion" is set to premiere next month. Contestants will face increasingly absurd and baseless lawsuits, with the winner being the last one standing – or, in this case, existing.

-Philosophers in a Frenzy: The disappearance has shaken the field of philosophy, sparking debates over the nature of reality itself. Is being sued out of existence a new form of murder or enlightenment, and where does the defendant go? Professor Gerald Hawkins, an expert in existential dilemmas, pondered, "If a candidate vanishes in court and no one's there to witness, did he even run?"

-Political Candidates drop out: In a disappointing but understandable move, several other third party candidates have dropped out of the race, terrified they might be next. One candidate, in her farewell speech, said, “We just can’t risk it. One lawsuit too many and we might end up like a fart in the wind.”

While the nation grapples with the surreal nature of Marcus Libertad’s disappearance, many are left wondering: Is this the beginning of a new era in politics where candidates are sued into literal oblivion and out of existence, or was this a one-time cosmic glitch? As the world watches and waits, one thing is clear: Libertad may be gone, having had the entire political system rigged against him, but his legacy of truth, liberty, and peace has left an indelible mark—if not on the fabric of space-time, then at least in the hearts and minds of those who still believe in his timeless message.

Meanwhile, a search party consisting of theoretical physicists, paranormal investigators, and a team of exceptionally confused lawyers has been assembled to locate Libertad. Their first stop: a courtroom somewhere beyond the stars.

What are your thoughts on third party candidates and the insurmountable odds they face? Will the system ever change to allow serious competition with equal access and media coverage beyond the two parties? Let us know in the comments below!