Stoner Protests Deportations Over Rising Weed Cost

"It's like, totally unethical, dude."

LOS ANGELES, CA — Thousands of Americans took to the streets in recent weeks to protest President Trump’s newly enforced mass deportation initiative, but none were more vocal, emotional, and deeply under the influence than 28-year-old self-described “herbal activist” Skyler “Sky-Dog” McBuzz.

Wearing flip-flops, a Bob Marley tank top, and a suspiciously flammable hemp poncho, Skyler chained himself to a taco truck outside a Venice dispensary and declared, “This is fascism, man! Deporting migrant workers just to enforce, like, laws and stuff? Uncool. Think of the nugs, bro!”

According to Skyler, who dropped out of Santa Monica Community College seven times and currently “freelances in vibes,” the crackdown on illegal immigration has already affected “weedonomics” in catastrophic ways.

“Ever since ICE started rounding people up, prices of my favorite sativa went up $6 an eighth. Do you know what that does to my Netflix and Pizza Hut budget? This is a humanitarian crisis, dude.”

Skyler claimed his concern wasn’t just for himself, but for “the beautiful souls who came here to follow their dreams of working 14-hour shifts on scorching hot weed farms under MS-13 supervision.” In an impassioned Instagram Live, Skyler tearfully defended the “diverse labor force” that includes cartel-connected weed plantations using undocumented children who sleep in crates.

“Okay yeah, maybe some of those kids were chained to heat lamps and maybe one or two fell into pesticide vats. But if ICE rescues them, who’s gonna keep my pre-rolls affordable?” he asked, sparking a joint labeled “Ethically Shady OG.”

In a move even progressive advocates found hard to defend, Skyler held up a cardboard sign reading “CHILD LABOR = CHEAP DANK.”

Despite his slurred cries of injustice, a few inconvenient truths remained. Experts noted that illegal immigration — while often framed emotionally — also depresses wages for American citizens, particularly working-class men and minorities. “It’s hard to compete with someone who’s being paid cash under the table and living eight to a van,” said Jorge Martinez, a second-generation Mexican-American landscaper from Fresno. “But sure, let’s hear what Skyler with the man bun thinks.”

Economists also pointed to drug cartel activity and human trafficking risks that increase when borders are weak. “Illegal grow operations aren't just about weed,” said DEA agent Carla Ramirez. “They’re tied to organized crime, violent gangs, and environmental devastation. But I’m sure Skyler’s ‘Free the Buds’ campaign will change hearts and minds.”

Even liberal dispensary owners expressed quiet concern over the fallout. “We’re all for sanctuary cities,” said one anonymous Santa Cruz weed merchant. “If my trimmers keep getting deported, I’m gonna have to hire white guys, and that’ll tank productivity and morale.”

When asked what should be done instead of deportations, Skyler proposed a “more humane policy” that involved “just not enforcing stuff for a while,” while offering a compromise: “Like maybe instead of deporting people, we let them keep more of the weed. Actually, scratch that. Let me toke on it.”

In a surprisingly lucid moment, Skyler admitted, “Look, if enforcing immigration laws keeps kids out of slavery, boosts wages, and makes America safer… that’s cool, I guess. But also, have you seen the price of edibles lately?”

At press time, Skyler was seen trying to hotbox a Honda Civic while chanting “No borders, no buds, no peace,” moments before being tackled by an undercover ICE agent who turned out to be his former dealer. What are your thoughts on the recent ICE raids on California weed farms and the child labor used in such operations? Let us know in the comments below!

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