September 11th Declared "National Inside Job Remembrance Day"

Congress insists it has nothing to do with the terrorist attacks of 2001 and the day was chosen arbitrarily.

Washington, D.C. – In a move that has left much of the nation bewildered, the U.S. Congress has officially declared the day September 11th as "National Inside Job Remembrance Day." According to lawmakers, the holiday is meant to honor and reflect upon notable instances where crimes and conspiracies were discovered to be "inside jobs." However, they maintain that the choice of date is purely coincidental and bears no relation whatsoever to the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001.

"We want to make it absolutely clear that September 11th was chosen arbitrarily," stated Senator Mitch McConnell. "This day is dedicated to all those past incidents where someone said, 'Hey, wait a minute, this smells fishy!' and they turned out to be right. It has nothing to do with the tragic events of 2001. Really, it doesn’t. Excuse me." He then lifted the pajama pants he was wearing, having fallen down around his ankles, before needing to be escorted back to his chamber.

The announcement has been met with widespread skepticism and outrage, particularly among the community of 9/11 truthers—a diverse group including firefighters, first responders, victims' family members, scientists, military and intelligence personnel, pilots, architects, and engineers. These individuals have long questioned the official narrative of the 9/11 Commission Report, citing numerous inconsistencies and demanding a new, transparent investigation.

"The government is either completely tone-deaf or they’re trolling us," said Richard Johnson, achitect for 9/11 Truth. "You can’t just gloss over the fact that there are still so many unanswered questions about 9/11 and then, with a straight face, pick that exact date to commemorate conspiracies. It's like they’re rubbing it in our faces!"

Among the highlighted inconsistencies in the 9/11 Commission Report are the unexplained collapse of Building 7, conflicting testimonies from key witnesses, and the surprisingly convenient discovery of the hijackers' identification documents amidst the rubble. Family members of 9/11 victims have tirelessly campaigned for a new investigation, pointing out that the original commission was severely underfunded and constrained by political pressures.

"Is this a sick joke?" asked Faye Jenkins, whose husband was a first responder. "Choosing September 11th to honor inside jobs is beyond insensitive. It feels like Congress is deliberately mocking our pain and our quest for truth."

In a press conference meant to clarify their intentions, political leaders only further muddied the waters. When asked why they couldn’t have chosen another date, such as September 10th or 12th, Senator Chuck Schumer responded, "Those dates were already taken. September 10th is National Lazy Day and September 12th is International Day of Very Bad Luck. We had to make a decision, and September 11th seemed, well, just right." The Farce Feed has confirmed that neither September 10 nor 12 is National Lazy Day nor Day of Very Bad Luck.

Adding a layer of irony, the new holiday coincides with a recent surge in public distrust towards the government. Polls indicate that a significant portion of the American population harbors doubts about the official explanations for major events, viewing them through the lens of potential government cover-ups.

"By establishing this holiday, Congress has only fueled the nutjobs," commented professional skeptic "Doubtful" Dave Donahew. "It’s almost as if they’re inviting people to dig deeper down the rabbit hole. Or maybe they’re just that clueless. Who knows anymore? One thing's for sure: we should definitely strip them of their constitutional rights in the name of public safety."

Despite the backlash, Congress seems determined to proceed with the holiday. Plans are already underway for the inaugural National Inside Job Remembrance Day festivities, which will include lectures on famous historical inside jobs, reenactments, and a special commemorative coin featuring a magnifying glass and a question mark.

As the nation approaches the inaugural National Inside Job Remembrance Day, it is crucial for citizens to remain vigilant and inquisitive. The absurdity of Congress' latest move serves as a stark reminder that questioning official narratives and demanding transparency are essential to maintaining a healthy society. Whether commemorating historical conspiracies or scrutinizing present-day events, it is the duty of every individual to seek the truth and hold those in power accountable. Let this controversial holiday inspire a renewed commitment to uncovering the facts and fostering open and honest discourse. After all, in the pursuit of truth, no question should be left unasked. What are your thoughts on this bizarre new holiday announcement? An honest gaffe or perverse troll? Let us know in the comments below!

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