Mice Opt Out of Transgender Study

A group of lab mice objected on moral grounds, claiming it unnecessary and harmful to gender transition mice, much less humans.

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a stunning act of scientific disobedience, a colony of laboratory mice at the National Institute of Health (NIH) has formally declined to participate in an $8 million taxpayer-funded study examining the effects of so-called “gender-affirming care” on rodents. The mice cited moral objections, scientific integrity, and “common freaking sense” as reasons for their refusal.

“We’ve been through a lot in these labs—cancer research, sketchy mRNA injections, the occasional cosmetics trial—but this? This is where we draw the line,” said Dr. Whiskers, a senior mouse experimentee and expert in cheese allocation. “We will not be injected with cross-sex hormones just to prove something humans should already know: blocking puberty in otherwise healthy mammals is a catastrophically bad idea.”

The mice, demonstrating an impressive grasp of current medical literature, pointed to systematic reviews conducted in Sweden, Finland, and the UK, which found the evidence supporting gender transition in minors to be of “exceptionally low quality” while highlighting serious long-term harms, such as sterility, bone loss, and heart disease.

“Did you know the UK shut down its largest pediatric gender clinic because the treatments were causing more harm than good?” asked an exasperated Squeaky McCheese, a spokesperson for the United Rodents for Ethical Science (URES). “Even France, fraught with extreme degeneracy, has hit the brakes on this nonsense. And yet, somehow, the United States thinks it's a great idea to not only do it to kids but also to mice? Have you all lost your tiny human minds?”

Several of the dissenting rodents suggested that the explosion of gender dysphoria diagnoses in recent years—particularly among adolescent girls—appears to be driven more by social contagion than by innate biological factors.

“It’s pretty simple,” said Dr. Whiskers, adjusting his tiny reading glasses. “If gender dysphoria were an intrinsic, naturally occurring condition, we wouldn’t see a 4000% increase in teenage girls suddenly identifying as male on TikTok. We’d expect a stable pattern across all demographics. But instead, what we see is a rapid spike in gender confusion that correlates directly with the rise of websites like Tumblr and Reddit.”

McCheese nodded in agreement. “This isn’t a medical epidemic—it’s a social phenomenon. And the solution to social contagion isn’t experimental drugs and surgeries, it’s proper therapy, familial support, and maybe logging off woke cesspools like Bluesky for five minutes.”

The mice also voiced concerns about government spending, particularly in light of America’s sky-high inflation and ballooning $36.2 trillion national debt. “Look, we get it,” said one anonymous mouse. “Washington has never seen a wasteful spending proposal it didn’t love. But in this economy—where people can barely afford eggs—maybe we shouldn’t be blowing millions on gender-bending rodents?”

Following the mice’s bold stand against the study, mainstream media outlets wasted no time branding them as hateful, bigoted, and dangerously transphobic. The New York Times ran an op-ed titled “The Rise of Far-Right Rodents: How Lab Mice Became the New Face of Hate," while CNN accused the mice of “peddling harmful misinformation that aligns suspiciously with conservative talking points.” MSNBC brought on a panel of experts—including a non-binary guinea pig—to decry the mice as “literal white supremacists,” despite the fact that many of them were brown. The Washington Post even suggested that NIH should revoke the rodents’ lab privileges and replace them with more “inclusive” subjects, like gender-fluid gerbils. Meanwhile, the mice remained unfazed, issuing a simple statement: “Science is about truth, not ideology. Also, please stop calling us Nazis—we’re literally mice.”

The mice’s protest has sent shockwaves through the scientific community, prompting NIH officials to reconsider the study. Sources close to the project say some researchers are now debating whether they should, instead, spend the money on something more useful—like studying the psychological impact of misgendering goldfish. As for the mice, they remain resolute in their decision. “We’ll be in our tunnels if you need us,” said Dr. Whiskers. “Just don’t come back with any more crazy ideas, or scalpels, or we will unionize.” What are your thoughts on the US government spending millions on such controversial studies? Scientifically justified or a massive waste? Let us know in the comments below!

Thanks for joining us! Please consider a $5 monthly/$43 yearly subscription for access to our private chat featuring bonus content and previews, plus submit your ideas and input! Your generous support helps further our mission to roast the establishment, mainstream media and modern day absurdities.

Feed The Farce:

Venmo: @thefarcefeed

Cash App: $thefarcefeed

Buy Me a Coffee

---

CNN forced to issue correction to Trump fact-check after false claim Biden admin did not spend $8 million on transgender mice —The Post Millennial

Billboard Chris on X

Flashback: