El Salvador Prison Rejects "MS-13 Disneyland Outing" Request from Democrats

Disappointed lawmakers described it as an "egregious miscarriage of justice" and a "total dick move."

SAN SALVADOR, EL SALVADOR — In a bizarre attempt at criminal justice reform, a delegation of U.S. Democratic lawmakers flew to El Salvador this week with an unusual request. They visited the country’s maximum security prison and urged officials to temporarily release dozens of incarcerated MS-13 gang members for a “rehabilitation-themed” field trip to Disneyland in California. The group, led by Sen. Chris Van Hollen (D-MD) and Rep. Robert Garcia (D-CA), accompanied by rapper Cardi B. in an advisory role, arrived convinced that a day of roller coasters and Disney magic could succeed where traditional anti-gang programs have failed.

According to the delegation’s initiative, a trip to Disneyland – famously dubbed “the Happiest Place on Earth” – would help reform even the most hardened criminals. “Exposure to 'King Arthur's Carrousel' can instill empathy in these young men,” insisted Van Hollen, passionately outlining the therapeutic itinerary. “And a group ride on Space Mountain will teach them emotional resilience through shared thrills,” he added, describing the high-speed roller coaster as a kind of emotional therapy session. Rep. Garcia chimed in to highlight the trip’s frugal catering strategy: “We even planned to skip in-flight bottle service and serve packaged lunch as a cost-effective culinary compromise for the trip. You can’t get more fiscally responsible than that!” he said proudly, noting that the prepackaged snacks were a budget-friendly alternative to pricey theme park meals, albeit laden with seed oils, artificial sweeteners and other harmful chemicals.

To underscore their seriousness, the lawmakers arrived on a taxpayer-funded commercial jetliner and even parked it on a nearby airstrip, ready to whisk the inmates off to California at a moment’s notice. They reportedly brought along Disney-themed goodie bags for the prisoners – complete with Mickey Mouse ear hats and Disney Princess stickers – and had an itinerary printed in both English and Spanish. “We have the FastPasses booked and everything,” one enthusiastic staffer noted, planning to skip the lines for popular rides. Prison officials, however, were understandably skeptical of the request to grant violent gang members a theme park field trip, even at the request of United States officials.

Unsurprisingly, El Salvador’s government rejected the bizarre proposal almost immediately. President Nayib Bukele himself took to Twitter to mock the visiting Democrats in a now-viral tweet. “Appreciate the offer, but the inmates already have Six Flags Great Adventure plans,” Bukele quipped, adding a laughing emoji for good measure. The sarcastic tweet racked up hundreds of thousands of likes, as Salvadorans and international onlookers alike roared with laughter at the spectacle.

Upon learning that their Disneyland request was denied, the U.S. delegation reacted with outrage. Standing on the prison tarmac in front of their idle chartered jet, Sen. Van Hollen argued that denying murderous gang members a chance to heal via churros and roller coasters was a tragic missed opportunity. Rep. Garcia likewise condemned the refusal, calling it a “morally abhorent.” In an impassioned press statement, Garcia fumed that “we offered a hand of redemption and a trip to Space Mountain, but instead we got fascism. One of these guys might have been mistakenly rounded up in an ICE raid, therefor the whole posse needs an ‘Indiana Jones Adventure’ respite.” The lawmakers lamented that El Salvador’s leadership lacked the vision to see the potential of Mickey Mouse as a rehabilitation counselor.

With their plan foiled, the dejected Democrats eventually boarded their plane and returned to the U.S. empty-handed — aside from dozens of unopened Lunchables and unused Disneyland admission tickets. “This ain't ova'!” Cardi B fumed at a press conference. "I'm tryin'a see my baby daddy, who been locked up in dis hell hole, and have a nice day at Disney, and y'aa bitches talkin' bout 'these inmates are a threat to the general public'?! BITCH, I'M A THREAT TO DA PUBLIC IN GENERAL! Catch me outside, Bukele, how 'bout dat?" Stunned reporters looks to the Democrat officials for their reactions, who nodded in solemn agreement. Jasmine Crockett was seen wiping away a tear.

The incident has since sparked lively debate on social media, with some commenters joking that the MS-13 gang members "dodged a bullet" by avoiding the long, hot lines, nagging kids, and drag queen hostesses in princess gowns with full grown beards.

The Democratic Party's stance on prioritizing illegal aliens, including in cases involving criminals and gang members, has sparked significant controversy, often perceived as prioritizing non-citizens over American safety and economic concerns. Critics argue this approach, which emphasizes humanitarian considerations and sanctuary policies, risks undermining public trust and safety by appearing to shield individuals who pose genuine threats from accountability. However, Democrats counter that due process is essential to ensure fairness, preventing the wrongful deportation of individuals who may be innocent or have legitimate claims to remain in the United States. They also highlight the need to correct mistakes from mass deportations, where hasty policies can lead to unjust removals. A balanced system that upholds both fairness and the rule of law is critical in ensuring the success of immigration reform.

Having been denied the chance to unleash dozens of MS-13 gang members on unassuming theme park patrons, the undeterred Democrats were reportedly brainstorming a Plan B. According to Capitol Hill rumors, they’ve started exploring ways to bring Disneyland to the inmates instead. One idea floated: convert a wing of the Salvadoran prison into a mini Magic Kingdom. Under this backup plan, inmates could still enjoy a “Pirates of the Incarceration” show in the recreation yard and a Haunted Solitary Confinement attraction on-site. Whether or not “Cell Block Disney” becomes a reality, one thing is clear — these lawmakers aren’t letting go of their staunch affinity for ruthless foreign crooks, no matter how goofy it may seem. What are your thoughts on Trump's mass deportations, the Democrat opposition and this satirical request? Let us know in the comments below!

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