Disney Cursed by Evil Spirit: Insider
The company's fall from grace over the last few years makes perfect sense in light of new insider revelations.
Orlando, FL - In a new bombshell revelation, an undercover Farce Feed investigation has exposed that Disney, the once beloved family-friendly entertainment giant, has been cursed by an evil spirit for several years now, according to a high-level executive. The insider, caught off-guard by our reporter posing as a drag queen Snow White at a local happy hour, spilled the beans about an evil curse so profound that it completely tanked the brand worldwide.
The executive, who we will call "Dead Meat" (DM), revealed that official documents—verified by an eclectic mix of psychics, priests, and indigenous spiritualists—confirm the curse's existence. According to DM, the curse dates back to the mid 2000s and coincides suspiciously with the rise of the modern streaming era.
“Honestly, we’ve tried everything to lift it,” DM lamented while getting cozy with “Snow Tight.” “We’ve had séances in Cinderella’s Castle, exorcisms in the Haunted Mansion, and even hired a shaman to bless the bathrooms at Epcot. Nothing worked! It’s like the spirit has carte blanche to wreak havoc on everything we do.”
The curse has been blamed for a litany of the company’s recent misfortunes. Record losses, sinking stock prices, major flops, and a slew of scandals have plagued Disney like a bad direct-to-DVD sequel. Fans have been left scratching their heads at the company’s relentless political activism and "woke," queer messaging that seems injected into everything from kid shows to park churros.
“Don’t get me started on DEI,” DM continued, referring to Disney’s Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion initiatives. “It’s like we have more diversity officers than cast members at this point. Our creative and production quality has gone downhill faster than a log on Splash Mountain.”
In a revelation that left our reporter nearly falling out of his Snow White costume, "Dead Meat" confessed that Disney’s hiring practices have secretly been discriminatory. “Oh, we’ve been caught red-handed there. We’ve been hiring anyone but white folks to the point where it's practically policy. It’s gotten so bad that Snow White has been rebranded as just ‘Snow.’” In fact, the company even holds a "cis white male hazing extravaganza" every Juneteenth, complete with dunk tanks and games like "pin the tail on the whitey."
Arguably the most heart-wrenching part of the curse has been its impact on the Star Wars franchise. “We’ve destroyed the lore, alienated the fans, and called them racist, sexist bigots,” DM said, tears streaming down his face. “It’s like every time we try to fix it, the spirit just cackles and puts another chick in it and makes her lame and gay." And it shows—the latest iteration on Disney+, "Star Wars: The Acolyte," broke records with a paltry 14% user approval rating on Rotten Tomatoes, and the lead actress, nonbinary diversity hire Amandla Stenberg, released a "diss track" music video aimed at the fans.
In a twist that would make George Lucas envious, the executive insider revealed the origins of the curse. “You won’t believe this, but it all ties back to Walt Disney himself. Legend has it, Walt was actually cursed by an evil spirit after screwing over a witch doctor in a game of poker back in the 1950s. That spirit is still on a rampage, and guess who’s the CEO now? Bob Iger, who, get this, is the great-grandson of that very witch doctor!”
"Dead Meat" concluded with a sigh, “We’re doomed to be haunted by bad decisions and worse box office returns until we can find a way to appease this spirit. We’re thinking of offering it a role in the next Marvel movie. Hell, can’t be worse than ‘Thor’s Big Gay Hammer,’ am I right?”
Fans worldwide have reacted with a mix of shock and hilarity. “So that’s why everything’s been utter crap,” tweeted @JediJules77. “Makes total sense now.” Even Elon Musk got in on the fun, tweeting "Better buy another batch of sage and palo santo, Bob Iger. #DismalDisney."
Disney’s official response has been non-committal, with a spokesperson stating, “We do not comment on rumors or speculation regarding supernatural phenomena, but we appreciate our fans’ passion and support. Please enjoy 10% off your next visit to the parks with code ‘BAPHOMET666.’”
As Disney deals with the fallout of this paranormal revelation, it serves as a stark warning to other major media companies. The path to overcoming such a curse—and avoiding one altogether—lies not in appeasing an ethereal spirit but in staying true to the values of the loyal fans who have long cherished the brand. By prioritizing timeless storytelling, respecting beloved lore, and focusing on creating high-quality content free from heavy-handed modern-day identity politics, film makers can maintain their magic and relevance. Disney's public downfall underscores the perils of agenda-driven divisive ideology and the risk it poses to great art. Because "the happiest place on Earth" is now "the laughing stock of the internet," with memes and parodies abound. What are your thoughts on this bombshell insider revelation, and do you think Disney can ever redeem itself? Let us know in the comments below.
Cursed by the spirit of woke, aka Satan.
Redeem? Didn’t have it in the first place. Funded by, and therefore controlled by CIA, Disney has always been a hotbed of satanic rituals and abuse.
Walt knew exactly what he was doing.
Having said that, I’m all agog waiting for Thor: The Gay Hammer. Mmmm, rainbows!