Democrats Announce Free On-Site Sex Change Operations at DNC

Procedures will be performed backstage by DEI-hire surgeons, in an attempt to make the event more inclusive and gender affirming.

Aug 20, 2024

Chicago, IL – In a bold and, some might say, baffling move to embrace inclusivity, the Democratic National Committee (DNC) has announced that all attendees will be eligible for free, on-site sex change operations, courtesy of their newly appointed Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion (DEI) surgical team. These procedures, which will be performed backstage at the convention, promise to be as cutting-edge as the rusty butter knives that the team will be wielding.

In a press release, the DNC proudly declared, “We’re not just talking about inclusivity, we’re making it happen – right here, right now! Why wait for health insurance to kick in when you can take care of your gender-confused toddler at the DNC?” Attendees are invited to sign up at the “Transformative Tent,” where they are subject to a 5 minute psychological evaluation by a pink-haired intern before undergoing a gender-affirming surgery during lunch breaks. Nothing is off limits, including double mastectomy, phalloplasty and vaginoplasty.

Dr. Kitty Ditler, a DEI-certified surgeon, reassured concerned attendees, “We may not have merit but we certainly have spirit! We’ve watched dozens of YouTube tutorials on how to do these procedures and we’re confident that we can help you become your best, true authentic self… by cutting you apart."

This latest offering comes hot on the heels of the DNC’s previous announcement of free abortions and vasectomies at the event. Critics have pointed out that these offers seem to be part of a pattern where the Democrats try to outdo themselves in pandering to the most fringe, extreme elements of their base.

In predictable fashion, the mainstream media has enthusiastically embraced the Democrats' on-site sex change operation offer, hailing it as a bold and compassionate move in service to marginalized groups. Major outlets like MSDNC are lauding the initiative as a "revolutionary step toward inclusivity," with headlines celebrating the DNC's commitment to gender affirmation. Pundits are praising the party for "putting their money where their mouth is" by offering life-changing surgeries to those in need, regardless of the questionable medical practices involved. Meanwhile, anyone daring to criticize the initiative is swiftly labeled as "far right" hateful bigots, with op-eds declaring that opposition to the DNC's efforts is tantamount to denying people their basic human rights. Critics are being depicted as relics of a backward era, out of touch with the progressive wave of acceptance and love that the Democrats are supposedly leading.

Meanwhile, the city of Chicago has prepared for riots and chaos that is already unfolding outside the venue. Businesses are boarding up their windows, and mayor Brandon Johnson has declared a state of "even greater emergency."

“We’ve seen what happens when extremists run wild,” said a local shop owner. “Last time, I lost all my windows to a ‘peaceful protest.’ This time I’m ready, with more than just an old rusty butter knife.”

In an effort to maintain order, the city has called in the National Guard to place pallets of bricks on every street corner with big white signs with arrows pointing to them.

Meanwhile, Republicans were not quite as extreme as their progressive counterparts but absurd in their own right. Upon entering the Republican National Convention, participants received a complimentary limited-edition "Trump Bible," personally signed by a Trump staffer with a stamp, and a raffle was later held for what they claimed was a piece of Trump's ear in a jar. “Who wouldn’t want a piece of history?” asked an RNC spokesperson. “We know our base, and they’re all about rabid, blind allegiance despite glaring inconsistencies."

As the DNC dives headfirst into an ocean of absurd pandering, offering everything from free sex change operations to on-site abortions and vasectomies, one has to wonder if there’s any limit to how far they’ll go to appease the most extreme factions of their base. The party seems less concerned with practical governance and more focused on outdoing itself with identity politics and bizarre woke initiatives. While the Republicans have their own brand of ridiculousness and hero worship, the Democrats have taken political pandering to a whole new level of absurdity. In their desperate bid to be seen as the ultimate champions of social justice, they’ve turned the DNC into a circus where anything goes—even a backstage orchiectomy. What are your thoughts on their latest announcement? Bold and inclusive or absurd and deranged? Let us know in the comments below!