CNN Trademarks Phrase "But What About"
The move seeks to drastically alter and impede general debate in English speaking countries.
CNN, the Cable News Network not known for hard-hitting unbiased journalism, has taken a bold step in whataboutism. The network has officially trademarked the phrase "But What About," leaving viewers and fellow news outlets wondering what they're going to do without this essential interrogatory clause.
CNN host Take Crapper announced the move in a segment that followed a Joy Reid rant decrying the police shooting of a cannibal pedophile serial killer. "We are proud to announce that we have trademarked the phrase 'But What About.' This phrase has been a cornerstone of our journalism for years, and it's time we receive the recognition we deserve for coining such a groundbreaking expression," Crapper declared with an air of unwavering seriousness.
The network has not disclosed the exact terms and conditions of the copyright, but they did make it clear that any unauthorized use of the phrase "But What About" will be met with swift legal action. This means that other news outlets, social media users, and even casual dinner table conversations will need to think twice before using this trademarked catchphrase.
Already, at a White House briefing, Press Secretary Cringe Jean-Pierre had to quell a heated argument between reporters from CNN and FOX over the issue.
"I SAID 'BUT MR. PRESIDENT, WHAT ABOUT…'"
"THAT FALLS UNDER OUR LEGAL TRADEMARK!"
"YOU CAN'T TRADEMARK A BASIC ARTICLE OF SPEECH!"
"OH BUT WE CAN AND WE DID, TRUMPTARD!!"
"Gentleman, please, for now we'll move on to MSNBC," said Jean-Pierre. However, they were unavailable, frantically busy working on a trademark for "Far Right."
Critics have been quick to point out the absurdity of trying to trademark such a common and widely used phrase. Some have even suggested that CNN's legal team must be working overtime to protect their new linguistic treasure. "It's a bit like trying to trademark 'Good morning' or 'How are you?'" one commentator noted. "What's next, CNN going after the word 'news'? Will they charge royalties every time we say, 'Have you heard the news?'"
Others have speculated that this move is simply a clever marketing ploy to draw attention to the network. After all, they say there's no such thing as bad publicity, and CNN is certainly getting its fair share of that now. Social media users have been quick to jump on the dogpile, tweeting out their own humorous versions of the phrase, such as "But What About my right to say 'But What About'?" and "CNN, But What About freedom of speech?"
It remains to be seen how CNN's trademark of the phrase "But What About" will play out in the long run. In the meantime, news outlets are left wondering how they'll fill the void left by this linguistic gem, and the world is left to wonder what other vital pieces of communication will be commandeered by mainstream media. Let us know your predictions in the comments below!
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Next: Jim Cramer copyrights the phrase «I'm bullish on».