CDC to Sell Spike Protein-Laden Infant Milk
Never mind the science, your new born will love the new tangy flavor!
The Center for Disease Control and Prevention has announced this week they will begin marketing a new product, 'Spike Milk'—lactation from mothers who were recently Covid mRNA vaccinated. The agency initially denied the spike protein could be transmitted through breastfeeding. But after several peer reviewed studies from reputable medical journals confirmed it, they did what any malevolent conglomerate would do—lean into it and sell the darn thing.
"Our milk not only confers the safe and effective protections of the spike proteins, but also remains viable for a longer period of time, making it the perfect product for proactive expecting parents," said CDC Director Dr. Mandy Cohen in a press release. “We obtained much of the spike-laden milk from obstetricians and mothers who had been recently injected. This was under the pretext of 'testing for safe levels,' but we basically just refrigerated them until they were eligible for purchase.”
Critics of the controversial product cite numerous independent studies regarding the dangers of Covid spike proteins. "We've been raising the alarm about adults getting the shot, now they've got moms buying milk for their babies with this stuff in it," said Ida Goodebutte, volunteer activist with Medical Sanity Now. "Spike proteins are toxic! They can cause all kinds of neurological and cardiac issues. And you want your kid slurping it down like a McDonalds milkshake? Well, it's probably just about as healthy. This is an outrage! We have a situation where toxic, contaminated waste product is actually being packaged and marketed for infants. This is unbelievable madness, we cannot accept spike proteins in our shots, medicines or baby milk, for shame!" Goodebutte gesticulated in a grandiose way and emphasized her latter statement with loud enunciation, drawing a smattering of half enthused applause from the 6-8 attendees of the "street action."
The CDC insists that not only is the breast milk safe and effective, but that it will act as a "virus shield" for babies who ingest it. "Depending on what part of the body the spike proteins end up in, the recipient may receive added benefits of protection against Covid-19, the seasonal flu, as well as the new upcoming WHO-concocted, er, predicted pandemic," said Dr. Cohen. "So give those teats a break, moms, your new born will squirm and convulse with joy!”
Other critics online were none too pleased, lashing out on X. "Nothing could be more dangerous or irresponsible, the mere fact that the option is on the market is a horrible indictment against our Food and Drug Administration and our nation at large. We must protect our children from this toxin and warn the world about Spike Milk," said popular shit-stirrer Illumi-Not-Us.
What are your thoughts on this product announcement? Would you feed your kid CDC Spike Milk, and if so, why do you hate them? Let us know in the comments below!
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