Biden Pardons Unborn Grandchild

The preemptive pardon grants legal immunity to Hunter Biden's gestating offspring for any crimes he might commit upon birth.

WASHINGTON, D.C.—In an unprecedented move that has taken nepotism to new heights, now-former President Joe Biden has issued a preemptive pardon for son Hunter Biden's unborn child. Yes, you read that right—the baby, currently eight months in utero, hasn't even graced the world with its first dirty diaper, and he’s already immune from any future crimes he might commit.

The official reasoning from the White House is as dazzlingly bold as it is baffling: "We need to protect this future American citizen from the politically motivated persecutions that could come from Trump or his successors," Biden explained, visibly pleased with his own foresight. “And if he’s anything like his old man, a chip off the ol’ block, he’s gonna need it,” he added.

True to form, mainstream media outlets have valiantly leaped to Joe Biden's defense, wielding mental gymnastics that would make an Olympic gymnast jealous.

The New York Times: "While it may appear unorthodox, President Biden's preemptive pardon is actually a brilliant strategy to ensure stability and peace in a nation where political witch hunts have become the norm. By safeguarding Hunter Biden's unborn child, the President is setting a compassionate precedent for future administrations."

CNN: "This is not nepotism; it's family values. In a world where the children of politicians are often unfairly targeted, Joe Biden's actions send a clear message: no child, born or unborn, should have to live under the cloud of potential legal harassment."

MSNBC: "Some may call it corrupt; we call it courageous. President Biden is merely ensuring that his family can focus on public service without distractions. After all, how can a newborn focus on learning to crawl and walk if it's busy dodging subpoenas?"

The Washington Post: "A bold step towards a fairer judicial system. By pardoning an unborn child, Biden highlights the need for a society where every potential citizen is presumed innocent. Or, in this case, perpetually innocent, no matter what."

This preemptive pardon comes on the heels of President Biden's decision to pardon six members of his immediate family in the final moments of his presidency. Hunter Biden, James Biden (Joe's younger brother), Sara Jones Biden (James' wife), Valerie Biden Owens (Joe's younger sister), John Owens (Valerie's husband), and Francis Biden (Joe's younger brother) all received pardons as the clock ticked down.

The allegations against the Biden family are as vast as they are serious, involving over 170 Suspicious Activity Reports (SARs) filed by major banks and Congressional investigations uncovering foreign funds funneled through a labyrinth of Biden-linked shell companies. The allegations include money laundering, tax fraud and even human trafficking. It's a plot so thick, it makes Watergate look like an unpaid parking ticket.

Of course, this sweeping use of the pardon power stands in stark contrast to President Biden's earlier condemnation of then-President Trump, who was reportedly considering preemptive pardons for his associates. At the time, Biden declared that such actions "set a bad precedent," asserting that the U.S. is a nation of "laws and justice," and promising that his administration would steer clear of such tactics.

Fast forward to today, and it appears that the "bad precedent" is now a cherished Biden family tradition. One can't help but marvel at the dexterity with which the narrative has been flipped and the heights the hypocrisy has reached.

As we await the arrival of Hunter Biden's child, the country can rest easy knowing that no matter what mischief this little infant might get into—be it juvenile delinquency or stealing a candy bar from the local grocery store—he’s already in the clear. And given the lengths Joe is willing to go, political analysts are surprised he didn't issue a pardon for the family dog, in case Fido relieves himself on the Constitution even worse than his master did. What are your thoughts on this slew of last minute Biden family pardons? Fair game or outrageous corruption? Let us know in the comments below!

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The Shocking Crimes Biden’s Family Committed & Why They Needed Pardons! -The Jimmy Dore Show

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